Table of Contents – Earning That Kibble
Disclaimer: The opinions and expenses expressed in this article are entirely those of the cat author, who has firsthand knowledge of the extravagant costs of living as a feline. While the financial details presented may reflect the true nature of a cat’s luxurious lifestyle, they should not be taken as a representation of actual costs for all cats or pet owners. The author strongly recommends that all humans consult with a professional (preferably a fellow cat, or a qualified pet financial advisor) before making any major spending decisions based on these observations. The cat does not accept responsibility for any financial mismanagement or excessive spending habits that may arise from following the advice contained herein. Purr-chases made after reading this article are solely at the human’s discretion, and the cat takes no responsibility for the consequences of indulging their furry companion’s demands.
More reading in this category:
12 Strategies to Improve Financial Performance and Sniff Out Epic Savings
Empower Your Cat’s Frugal Financial Purrtential: A Fantastic Little Kitty Budgeting Secret Lesson
Advice From a Cat
If you’ve just stumbled upon this cardboard box of a playground, then welcome to the world of “Advice From a Cat.” If you’re familiar with feline finesse and become amused by a bit of kitty wisdom then all aboard for a pawsome time!
For this adventure, let us analyze “Earning Income” aka “Earning Kibble” from a cat perspective:
Intro
I know why you’re here human. To hear a cat give some advice on why you need to make and earn some kibble (money.) You’re also here for the same reason you always come to feline territory. Kitty entertainment. Well, what if I told you I also had responsibilities? I pay cat bills with my very own green cash aka kitty meowney.
Don’t believe a cat’s whiskers? Stick around human! I’ve done an experiment. It’s called “Earn that Kibble.” Where I take you through my finances. That’s right my kitty responsibilities. These are why I have to earn the kibble.
I’ve received your challenge and I accept. Can I scribble all the reasons I need to be motivated to make and earn kibble? You think my life is so easy human. Let me go through the day to day struggles of my cat expenses.
Cat Food and Treats
Where’s My Dinner?
You see I must work hard for my meals so I’m often on the lookout. BOLO for a snack, a lizard, some gravy flavors from the human gods.
But what happens when the human gods go missing for some time?
Did I Miss a Meal?
I’m looking around between my paws and realize I must have been in a long catnap when the kibble was served?
Surely I did remember to pay lots of affection to the human gods did I not? What is a kitty to do? Did I not pay my human affection bill properly?
I Must Now Hunt For Food
As I survey the kingdom from the window sill I do now believe I must not have paid my debt. My tummy is to go into debt.
With no kibble or magical humans in sight I must go on the hunt. Perhaps there’s part of a snack left hanging on one of my whiskers.
I may need to look around for bugs and lizards for protein. Surely in the future I need to proactively pay that kitty debt so this is not a recurrence.
Help the Human Pay Bills
So let’s talk about these items I’ll take off your hands human. I sat on your lap the other day looking at your spreadsheet of cat supplies. Let’s go over a few things…
Pawsitively Purrfect Meal Plan
(That delicious, gravy filled goodness on a plate.) No more bland kibble. I’ve given us an upgrade. Better for me and less money for you.
Did you read the prior paragraphs human? I almost spent one of my nine lives from kitty hunger but you came back after something called a “mini-vacation.”
Let’s work out the human affection schedule and I’ll pounce on some help with sniffing out the savings.
The Claw Salon
A kitties nails are essential to everyday life and survival. These odd human creatures leave the house you see and come back with odd decorations on their claws. I don’t quite understand it. Why so many colors? Does it help you fool your prey any better?
Anywho, a cats claws they are absolutely essential and must be in tip top shape at all times.
Think of it. I hunt lizards, dust bunnies and such with these fine, white baby talons. Never know when I’m exploring a new corner what will be next encountered. I need sharply filed claws on a regular schedule. I promise to swat from under the couch cushions all those extra coins you lose as assisting with payment.
Cat Cardboard Box Renewal Fees
I may be mistaken but it seems we receive from the cardboard box fairy often. I believe the fairy’s name is “Prime” yes? I see it all around my little cardboard box homes. The glue that keeps my tiny homes together.
How much do I owe human to keep this going and how do I meet this fairy? It’s the talk of cat town.
Exchanging Goods and Services
Scratch Post Repair Charge
So perhaps a deal can be made here human. I know I get purrely overly excited when I sprawl my hind legs and dig into my favorite scratch post (aka your couch.)
Let’s make a purrfect deal for both of us. You help me with a proper scratch post and repair charges and I stay away from your precious furniture.
Yes, I see your look of displeasure when my claws are near it. I feel the human stare on my back like a red laser dot. You have been heard.
Do we have a deal? If so, I’ll be over in the corner pouncing on pieces of crumpled paper balls.
Grooming / Hair Trimming Fees
So grooming this fur takes a long time. Have you seen my feline finesse at work? I eat, I groom. I get wet, I groom. A little groom here, a little groom there.
Either way, sometimes I need a proper trim. If we help each other out here I promise to earn that kibble. I’ll keep all those pesky insects from getting at you at night. I will serve on “bug” patrol while you get your catnap in. In return, some kibble please.
Toys and Entertainment
- The laser dots
- That floppy fish thingy
- Yarn balls
- Tennis balls
- Every other kind of ball
- The long things that humans use for writing
- Green grass looking stuff that makes me act crazy
- String
- Mice
- Fake mice (yes I know the difference)
- Bottlecaps
All of the things a cat craves. I shall pay up in kibble treats! Less eating for me, more money in your pocket human!
Comfortable Living
Litter Box Maintenance Fees (HOA fees)
So my friend… I know smells all too well. The maintenance of my dumping ground (aka litter box) cannot be under-rated. A cat’s whiskers know all too well.
I see you as you are leaning over trying to scoop the scent away. When you are done, all sanity is restored. That’s why I shall do as you wish as payment.
Go in my paper bag over there, you’ll see a little cardboard card. It holds a balance that should show my appreciation. Can we agree on a quarterly dues?
When you are done, all sanity is restored. That’s why I shall do as you wish as payment. Go in my paper bag over there you’ll see a little cardboard card. It holds a balance that should show my appreciation.
Can we agree on a quarterly dues?
Veterinary Care
Kitty Checkup
Remember that time I hairballed all over your brand new bed sheets? Turned out it was no hairball at all! This kitty was feeling so ill I didn’t even chatter at the birds once the sun rose.
Refer back to my cardboard card to make sure I don’t get sick again. I’ll try not to meow at you the whole ride there next time.
Remember that time I hairballed all over your brand new bed sheets? Turned out it was no hairball at all!
This kitty was feeling so ill I didn’t even chatter at the birds once the sun rose.
Refer back to my cardboard card to make sure I don’t get sick again. I’ll try not to meow at you the whole ride there next time.
I already don’t fancy this place but while I’m here, I may as well get it all in one bit. If I need these, go ahead and have them zap me after you’ve researched what you think is best for me. It may just give me more time to chirp at insects and flip my tail around all that much longer.
I’ll pay you with more lifelong affection and kitty purrs when your smile turns upside down human. So as you can see human, without all of my essentials, I’ll be a sad feline. No dashing down the hallway, playing hide and seek, or stalking your shadow and such.
Perhaps just giving you a different perspective on how our whiskers twitch may be all you need to understand the mind of us and our little paws. We need to earn our kibble too.
I already don’t fancy this place but while I’m here I may as well get it all in one bit. If I need these, go ahead and have them zap me. It may just give me more time to chirp at insects and flip my tail around all that much longer.
I’ll pay you with more lifelong affection and kitty purrs when your smile turns upside down human.
So as you can see human, without all of my essentials I’ll be a sad feline. No dashing down the hallway, playing hide and seek, or stalking your shadow and such. Perhaps just giving you a different perspective on how our whiskers twitch may be all you need to understand the mind of us and our little paws. We need to earn our kibble too.